I’ll never be able to get pregnant and be surprised by it.
So the never-ending flood of questions like
“when are y’all gonna have a baby?”
“when you gonna give that man a child?”
make me sick.
That’s just not something I have the luxury of doing without a team of doctors, endless appointments, and daily injections at home because pregnant women can’t take blood thinners.
Back in 2015, I switched back to birth control pills from Depo because I felt stable enough in life to remember to take them every day. Before I could start the second pack I started having sharp pains in my chest and back that made it hard to breathe. After seeing 3 different doctors, the final one realized it was a blood clot in my right lung that would have killed me in 2 days max. I’d seen doctors on and off for roughly 6 weeks, and each time I was prescribed bed rest and given ungodly amounts of pain pills that left me so high that I couldn’t get out of bed if I tried.
I don’t know why the clot didn’t move, but the last doctor said the pains I felt were from the clot trying to dislodge itself. During that last trip to the ER, I was actually dying. My mind raced, and I was doing everything I could to fight through the pain and stay awake. The cause of it all? My sensitivity to additional hormones found in birth control pills. Put simply: I’m allergic to anything that’s not an IUD or other contraceptive implant.
Imagine going to see a hematologist and being the youngest person in the lobby. All of the other patients smiling at you and thinking, “Isn’t she sweet to come out here and bring her grandparent to their appointment!” When they call your name, their faces change from adoration to pity. Because you’re way too young to be in their shoes.
3 years ago, Devon almost lost me. I was told at that point that I’d be considered a high risk expectant mother when the time came, and we both understood the time commitment that would take. I have Nexplanon now, and we’d talked about me leaving it out and trying for a child this year. But the truth is...I’m scared. I got a new Nexplanon placed instead, and you know what? That’s ok. We’ll start a family on our own time, and it’s just gonna have to be ok with y’all. My health is more important.