As a newly engaged woman who worked with her partner to do things on their MUTUAL terms, I'm telling you to mind your business if you're thinking of butting in or questioning anyone's relationship. A lot of us won't go home to family dinners now because you and the aunties are probably going to ask:
- why they're still single
- when they're gonna marry their "lil friend" (they've only been dating for a year)
- when they're gonna have a baby
I started getting the "when's the wedding?" question before the ring had even warmed up to match my body heat. I figured it was just a knee-jerk reaction to the news, so it wasn't too difficult to overlook. There weren't any cameras around the evening Devon proposed, and I'm so glad we'll always have that moment between the two of us. The only reason I changed my relationship status to 'engaged' on Facebook that night was so that my parents didn't announce the news back home before I could. I thought I was doing a good thing by getting ahead of it, but I didn't expect to be so turned off by some of the underhanded congratulatory comments. The one that hurt me the most?
This past February made 7 years in our relationship. I feel like most people think marriage should be implied after a certain amount of time has passed. We'd talked about it in year 3 of our relationship, but we both agreed that we weren't ready yet, even though we knew we wanted to be together. And THAT was the best decision for us.
To be honest with you all, I wasn't completely sure that I wanted to get married until late last year. I was battling a lot of things, and Imposter Syndrome was very near the top of the list. No matter how many sweet things he'd say or do, I'd always speak unkindly of myself and question the good things he saw about me. I didn't want to bring someone else into my mess and age them faster than necessary if I could do myself a favor and work it out beforehand. He's already grown two gray hairs since I've known him (don't tell him I told you).
My point is, we took our time because we were still growing together and working through our grown-up personalities. We're very different from that 18 and 19 year old who crossed paths all those years ago, so we needed to make sure that we still meshed well with each other. Things change when you throw a mortgage and careers into the mix. Each time I read "bout time," I wondered how long people had been talking crap in the shadows about us not being married yet. It made me defensive, because (although he might live to annoy me sometimes) I refuse for ANYONE to speak ill of him and think I'll be silent about it. It made me livid when people who don't speak to me otherwise reached out to me the next day to ask if they were getting a wedding invitation.
No couple owes you a wedding, ya'll. My friend married her husband almost 10 years ago for $30 at the courthouse, and they're pretty dang solid. Right now, the plan is to elope. That could change, but we're in no hurry to make plans. It's been seven years, so we can wait another one if we go down the road of planning. We're millennials through and through, and we take pride in saving our coins where we can. We'll make sure to post some pics on social media when I officially become his Mrs., but in the meantime I promise y'all will be ok.
Now, stop asking people why they're single/ where their "lil friend" is and let them eat Thanksgiving Dinner in peace this year.